I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
