haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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