I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
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