I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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