am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Randomize
