it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
