I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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