She's JV to your varsity
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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