I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
