I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
