The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
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