next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
