the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
We just shotgunned beers for America
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Randomize