he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
