Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize