we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
