You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
