I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
