I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
