Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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