:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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