you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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