I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Can't talk, ducks in the car
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Randomize
