I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize