Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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