I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
