My girlfriend figured out who you are.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Use "feeling words"
Yay
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
