lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
