He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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