11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
