Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
