Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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