My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
