this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
