and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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