Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
It was confusing and full of hummus
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
