Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
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