You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
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