yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
