dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
