am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
