I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize
