That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Hippo gnu deer
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
