put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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