do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
