Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
