my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
