you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Ketchup is God's man juice
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
