...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
