True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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