Nicole vs. Life
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
