I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize