Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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