did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Never joke about your clitoris.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
