I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Randomize
