ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
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