Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize