Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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