We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
