I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
