I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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