I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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