jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
