I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
