I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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