i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
