Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I just gift wrapped bread.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
