Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize